


When We Met

by UNCONQU3R3D



Series: Fate Duology [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, M/M, Minor Character Death, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-05-03 02:27:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14558844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UNCONQU3R3D/pseuds/UNCONQU3R3D
Summary: Baekhyun didn't believe in coincidences, and all the things that signified "fate". Not until he saved a complete stranger from certain death.





	When We Met

 

"It was love at first sight," Chanyeol said with a dopey smile, already in his fourth glass of wine.

 

Baekhyun sighed, not because his friend was drunk but because in the last seven months they'd come to develop a friendship, he'd heard Chanyeol say this very sentence at least five times; each time involving a new person. This time, it was the cute guy in his literature class.

 

"We like the same authors, and he even has a signed copy of _the Shining,_ can you believe it?"

 

Baekhyun feigned amazement, "That's so amazing."

 

"Yes, its such a coincidence," Chanyeol sighed happily again.

 

Baekhyun snorted. There was no such thing. There were only conveniently timed moments or lies that almost every people on earth made up on spot. He knew because he'd seen so much evidence of this fact that he was almost immune to it all. He never responded to these generic and sometime planned coincidences. He just wanted to live his life straight on.

 

Later that night once Chanyeol had fallen asleep and Baekhyun had the hostel room to himself, Baekhyun started working on his thesis. He wasn't going to college yet, but he already knew what he was supposed to do, and was preparing for it in advance. He knew that his hard work will pay off and he'd get into his dream college, there wasn't going to be anything coincidental about it.

 

His life had taught him early on, that everything came at you all at once, or never fast enough. The only thing he could do was go with the flow. Fate didn't exist. It was all just an unplanned, unrelated fucked up mess and he just happened to be there. _Maybe that's a coincidence too,_ he thought with a grin.

 

Maybe it was all a coincidence that his father suddenly fell in love with another woman and left his mother to fend for herself. It had to be a coincidence that Baekhyun and his mother were in a bus accident, and that he survived, while his mother didn't get to the hospital in time, because by "coincidence", the President had gotten in an accident too and caused a nationwide shutdown. It was a coincidence each time Baekhyun was moved from one care home to other because of abusive patrons, and a coincidence that he happened to find a bar job and managed to teach himself and raise himself to be someone decent.

 

When he added words like _"coincidence"_ and _"fate"_ into it all, his life made so much sense. It was so easy to blame it on a piece of philosophy and just give up. It was much easier than staying up at night and questioning the air: _Why me? What did I do so wrong?_ Baekhyun had stopped believing in it a long time ago. He was just a pawn in someone's game. Someone had made all of things happen to him, whoever it was, God, Devil, Obama, he just didn't care or believe anymore. The only thing he could do was depend on himself. And that's how he'd managed to survive in life.

 

*

 

His thesis had been accepted and published, just like he knew it would. As promised he had invited his friends to dinner. Chanyeol had showed up with his "love at first sight number 16" and he'd even gotten the number of the cutest girl in his year, like he knew he would after being praised by the professors all semester. He left early, ready to set his future goals. An internship, then a stable job, a wife, and if need be, a few children.

 

When he decided to walk the last few blocks instead of getting another bus ride, he wasn't really thinking. He just remembered that the wind was nice, and the moon was bright and he was feeling happy and accomplished. A walk felt like the most normal thing to do just then. So he did. It was a peaceful suburb, he'd gotten an apartment here a few months ago. The neighborhood was nice and the rent wasn't too much. Though there were occasional security issues, he never really had anything of value to worry over.

 

He hummed a tune under his breath, a half forgotten song and lazily strolled, his hand in his pockets. He wasn't expecting to run face first into another person, nor was he expecting to jump in and help. It was a reflex really. He held out a hand, and helped the person who'd he'd just knocked on his ass.

 

"Are you okay?" That came out as a reflex too.

 

He saw a flash of pale face, dark circles, full lips that trembled and bright eyes that looked like they'd been crying. Then he noticed the man's whole face. He seemed older than him, like he was already one step ahead of where Baekhyun was. He was wearing a rumpled black suit, expensive and chic. There was a shadow of something sad over him as he tried to stand tall.

 

"I'm fine. Thank you," the man replied, his voice hoarse and robotic, like he too was speaking out of reflex.

 

"Then, good night," Baekhyun said, his cheerfulness from before returning now that he's assured the man's condition. And he walked away, looking back just once.

 

The man didn't leave immediately; he was still standing where Baekhyun had left him. He swayed slightly; looking tired even from this distance. And then he looked up at the fifteen storey building in front of him, and started walking towards it.

 

Baekhyun looked away and continued on his way home. His apartment block was just a bit further, but his steps were getting slower. Something had started bothering him, just as he'd left the man. It was the weird sense of familiarity, the face of him was so real and known. Baekhyun knew that it was the face of someone who'd lost everything and was barely holding on. It was the face Baekhyun had become accustomed to seeing in the mirror, back when he was still a struggling teenager. The face of someone who'd do anything to make it _stop._

 

The image of the man looking up at the tall building came to his mind. He stopped walking. It was just a nagging sort of sensation, nothing more, but Baekhyun turned and started running. He knew it was just his imagination, but he had to be sure. It wouldn't cost him much.

 

Once he got there, he saw that there was no sign of any movement in the well-lit stairways, winding up at the middle of the building, exposed to the elements. It would've taken some time climbing those steps, and Baekhyun only wanted to be sure. It was possible that man lived here, and was already home and eating ice-cream trying to forget his pain. But Baekhyun ran up, and up. He only needed to _see,_ just once. And if his haunch proved to be wrong, he'd go home and laugh about it later.

 

He reached the top floor and crashed through the door of the roof. He looked around, his hair whipping in the wind at this altitude. In the cloudy moonlight, he found a trembling black figure, standing on the ledge, ready to dive.

 

Baekhyun vaguely recalled that he made some sort of noise, a scream, a yell. He just ran and saw as the man's feet left the ledge, and he hung in the air for a one heart stopping moment. And then Baekhyun grabbed the arm, his whole body seizing in pain as he tried to work against the gravity and the weight of the falling man.

 

The man blinked, first at the ground, still far away, and then up at Baekhyun. His pained face transformed into anger. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"

 

"I'M SAVING YOUR ASS!" Baekhyun yelled, heaving with all his might. The man came up a few inches.

 

"I don't need you to!"

 

"Look, I'm certain you could be doing a million other things instead of diving from rooftops."

 

The man's eyes flashed darkly in the moonlight. It was the first sign of life Baekhyun had seen in him so far. "I'm certain I know what I'm doing. Let go of me."

 

Baekhyun used his _I-plan-everything_ brain and came up with a lame: "I can't anymore. If I let go, I'll be a murderer. So I think you should postpone this roof-diving thing for another time."

 

The man was not amused. His voice was hollow. "Please. Just let me go."

 

The life had gone out from his eyes again. Baekhyun cursed. He should be home by now, getting his future sorted. But he was stuck here, and he was sure his arm was going to come out of the socket soon. "I said I can't do that."

 

The man looked at him, and then his whole body just shuddered. Baekhyun almost gasped when he started crying. "Please. I need to... just let me die, _please._ I can't take it anymore."

 

Baekhyun knew this face too. And he knew that dying felt ideal at times. But he'd managed to turn his life around, and somehow, he was going to do the same for this man out of pure goodness of his heart. He heaved again, and the man came up easily, now that there was no more resistance. Slowly, but with a lot of grunting (and sobbing from the other guy) Baekhyun managed to drag him to the safety of the roof.

 

The man slumped on the floor, and Baekhyun laid on his back, panting. He could hear the pain in the man's cries. He could also hear the hiccups, and the breaths that were becoming heavier with each moment. He let the man cry, knowing from experience that sometimes letting it all out was helpful. But _only_ sometimes, and in only a few cases.

 

Once the man had sobbed himself to quietness, Baekhyun sat up to face him. Now that he paid attention, he realized that the man was quite handsome, and rich too by the looks of it. He wondered what a man like him could lose and feel pain for.

 

"Do you feel better? Clearer? Or do you still want to die?" He knew he was being blunt, but he had done his part.

 

"I still want to die."

 

Baekhyun exhaled, unexpectedly feeling his anger rising. "You know how ungrateful it is to commit suicide?"

 

The man peeked from his eyelashes, his stare was deathly considering his eyes were red and wet still. "Shut up and leave me alone."

 

"Are you going to jump again if I do?"

 

"None of your goddamn business!"

 

Baekhyun shrugged. That was true. But he wanted to know, just out of curiosity, why the man had decided to do something so drastic. Something so fearful that even Baekhyun hadn't been able to go through with it in his past. "I will leave, once you tell me why you're doing this."

 

The man glared again. "So if I justify myself to you, you will judge me and then tell me its okay to go ahead? What are you _God?"_

 

Baekhyun couldn't help it. He laughed. He laughed loud and uncontrollably, until his eyes watered. To think someone was mistaking him for a god, and sarcastically at that. Once he came to, he realized that the man had been glaring at him this entire time. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make fun of you. I just... I think you must have been going through a lot if you've decided to do this. I just want to lend you an ear, that's all."

 

"Ah, so you just pine for gossip. You want a story to tell your friends." The man snorted, wiping at his eyes. "If you don't leave me alone this instance, I'll kill you first and then jump off the building."

 

Baekhyun raised an eyebrow. "Give me your phone."

 

The man glared.

 

"I'll record your last message," Baekhyun made up the bullshit on spot. "I'm sure you want someone to hear what you want to say."

 

At these words, the man's eyes went dead again. He whispered, "I have no one. Not anymore."

 

Baekhyun felt a rush of sympathy for him. "Me neither. I was alone too, but I managed to live on, and find some cool friends. Look man, I know it feels like the end, but there's more to life than just-"

 

"Shut up, please," the man said sharply. "You want to preach? Go to a church, okay. Just leave me alone."

 

 _That's it,_ Baekhyun thought, and dived to the man's pocket. He was going to call someone from the man's contact list, and then he was going to leave. Make it someone else's problem. Unprepared, the man wasn't able to stop him, as Baekhyun fished out his phone and swiped at the screen.

 

The wallpaper showed the man, laughing a gorgeous heart-shaped smile, and in his arms was a three year old girl, also laughing hard. Baekhyun's gut twisted. _Don't tell me._

 

Sure enough, the man went rigid, his eyes tearing up again as the screen showed that picture. _"Soobin..."_ he whispered, broken and wretched. "My Soobin..."

 

"You..." _Lost his daughter._ Of course, that could drive a man to suicide. "I am just ... I'm sorry for your loss..."

 

"You don't feel anything!" The man snapped, scathing. "Those are just words. You don't know what's it like... losing everything just because of a stupid person's mistake..."

 

Baekhyun swallowed, his heart was finally catching up to the fact that this man was going through something recent, raw. He had been able to feel better through the years, but for this man, everything was still fresh. He searched his memory, and remembered that this morning a plane had crashed just before it reached Seoul. It went into the ocean, and there hadn't been a single survivor. But surely, the daughter wouldn't be alone on that plane unless... _His child and his wife?_

 

"Was it the plane crash this morning?" Baekhyun asked quietly.

 

The man wiped his tears furiously, snatching his phone from Baekhyun's hands, holding it tenderly. "They said that the pilot was drunk and mistook the grey waves for the landing strip. It's in the black box. He just... I was going to get her in a school, you know. She's not normal... She was born autistic and it was hard to find a school here..."

 

Baekhyun was sure he was going to start crying too. He was a bit cold because of the way life had happened to him, but he wasn't heartless. So he scooted closer and tried to awkwardly pat the man on his back. Urging him to go on with his tale. Sometimes talking about things helped too.

 

"... My mother and father had been taking care of her while I settled here and they were on the plane with her... and they all just..."

 

Baekhyun closed his eyes and felt a tear down his cheek. He didn't know what he was doing here, but at least he was sure of one thing. He was going to save this man, whatever it took. He wrapped an arm around the sobbing man so that they were half embracing and just listened to the pain in the other's cries. All he could think was: _We're such unlucky bastards._

 

After a while, the man said gruffly, "You can get off me now."

 

Baekhyun did. He was not sure how he was going to fix things. But he knew where to start. "Let's go, we need to be somewhere."

 

The man didn't get up, instead stared as Baekhyun dusted his clothes and fixed his tie. "I'm not going anywhere with you. What if you are a sadistic psycho?"

 

Baekhyun arched an eyebrow. "Dude, you were just about to kill yourself and you're worried about going somewhere with a sadistic psycho? What have you left to lose?" He cringed as soon as he said that. _Too harsh._

 

The man mumbled, "Yeah, I've got nothing anymore."

 

And he stood up, waiting for Baekhyun to move. Once Baekhyun walked towards the stairwell door, the man followed.

 

*

 

Now that they were in a lighted area, walking through the market around the corner, Baekhyun was able to see the other man clearly. He had been right earlier; this man was entirely _too_ handsome. Matched with the aura of misery and mystery, and his expensive dark suit rumpled like he'd just gotten out of a bed made him look slightly provocative. Baekhyun blinked, trying to get _that_ image out of his head.

 

 _Funeral._ Baekhyun realized after a moment. _He had probably just gotten out of the mass funeral this morning._ There had been a breaking news headline about it, that the community had decided to hold a ghost memorial service for the family members, for closure. And Baekhyun could easily imagine the man sitting in the service and trying to handle the condolences of people he didn't even know. He imagined him sobbing over the picture in his phone until he couldn't take it anymore. Baekhyun swallowed up his own bitterness. He understood that void, that need to kill oneself because everything else in the world seemed unfair.

 

He stopped short once he realized that the man had stopped following him. Turning around, he saw that they were near the Han Bridge. Baekhyun swore, backtracking to the man's side. After the building, the bridge must appear tempting.

 

But as he got there, he heard the man whisper, "She wanted to go boating here once she arrived. She made me promise to take her here."

 

Baekhyun looked away. He couldn't see that dead look in the man's eyes. That _pain._ It felt too close to his own heart for some reason. Instead, he grabbed the man by his wrist, almost gasping as their skin came into contact and resulted in a tingling sensation traveling up his arm. The man didn't seem to notice, and once Baekhyun started leading him away, he followed silently.

 

They entered a 24-hour store near Baekhyun's college. It was one of his usual haunts as a student. It was funny how until today he'd been a student, and was ready to embark on the professional life, but he was still here for food. Only he could have never imagined coming here with a suicidal stranger.

 

He found a table at the corner and made the man take a seat. It was a self-service convenience store, so after making sure that the man wouldn't go anywhere, he started browsing the isles for instant ramen, re-heatable paties and such. He came back a few minutes later with a laden tray, he'd also added soda in the mix, figuring that the besides being hungry, the man also looked like he hadn't had anything to drink for a while now.

 

The man made no move to eat the food placed in front of him. Baekhyun tried not to care. He ate alone, and then said, "Your ramen is getting soggy."

 

The man looked up from the table top, blinked, and finally seemed to notice his surroundings. "My... _what?"_

 

Baekhyun pointed at the food with his chopsticks. "It's getting bad."

 

The man blinked again. For a moment, Baekhyun thought he was going to refuse eating, but then he reached for the soda can, opened it, and drank the contents in one go. He coughed, then looked around for a napkin. Baekhyun smiled slightly and handed him a tissue paper. The man wiped his chin, and then looked up at Baekhyun again.

 

Something about that gesture, that lowered gaze lifting up from under his dark lashes - it stabbed into Baekhyun's chest. He couldn't comprehend _what_ it was, but it stayed with him, the way the man was being abashed as well as firm.

 

"You don't like ramen?" Baekhyun asked finally.

 

"I... I feel like I'm going to vomit if I eat anything."

 

Baekhyun smiled again. _He has a nice voice,_ he found himself thinking. Getting the rudeness and anger from before away, the polite conversation made the man seem very interesting.

 

"Tell you what," Baekhyun said, slurping the noodles into his mouth and smacking his lips. "If you vomit, I'll get you something to settle your stomach. But you have to eat something, man."

 

The man repeated that gesture again, mystic and sensual somehow. He considered. Then picked up his chopsticks. As expected, he was hungry. He inhaled the noodles, the patties and then asked for another soda.

 

Once the meal was finished, the man said, "I followed you here and ate with you. Can I go on my own way now?"

 

Baekhyun sighed. "Are you going to try to kill yourself again?"

 

That glimmer of life and anger came in his eyes again. "That's none of your business."

 

Baekhyun held out his hand. "Give me your phone." Then he added: "Please."

 

With much hesitation, the man complied. Baekhyun tried not to stare at the picture on the screen. The girl who was beautiful like an angel. And the man, his eyes burning with vitality, his smile so pure Baekhyun felt dizzy. He'd never seen someone so perfect in his life. shaking away these thoughts, he thumbed through the contact list, friends, parents, and some colleagues. Baekhyun frowned. He wasn't sure which one he could call.

 

Considering that the man obviously went to the funeral alone, there was a chance there wasn't anyone else who could help him. And then he found a contact; the icon showed the man was arm in arm with another guy, so Baekhyun figured this was a friend. He typed in a text message. He sent it, and then returned the phone to the man.

 

"What now?" The man sighed. He didn't even look at his phone or at the sent message.

 

Baekhyun paused for a moment. "Now I ask you some questions."

 

The man didn't look thrilled. "Ask."

 

"Are you tired?"

 

The man stared. Obviously he was tired.

 

"Are you feeling sleepy?"

 

The man just leaned back on the seat.

 

"If the answer is no, then you're going to follow me again. You said you are trying to settle here, so I'll guide you through the process. You should see what Seoul has to offer. And I'm not talking about the famous places that you find on the brochures. I'm talking about the Seoul that I know."

 

The man leaned forward. Now that the hunger and anger was out of the way, he looked resigned to whatever was going to happen. He didn't even seem to care, and it made Baekhyun slightly uneasy. _If it wasn't me, if he ran into some gangster..._ But he shook that thought away. It didn't matter. For now he was going to distract this man, show him the things that were worth living for. _Until his friend calls me back._

 

He stood up. The man silently followed suit. Baekhyun grit his teeth. He wanted to see that light again, that thing that came alive in those dead eyes. And he vowed to himself that once this tour was over, he would see that light at least once.

 

*

 

Once Baekhyun had found his own in the life, he'd made it his mission to explore the city and find the places that were just his own. It had taken him years, and most of his college life, to even locate these haunts and now, he was going to introduce these places to this man who was set on dying.

 

It was not going to help much. He knew that. But it wouldn't hurt to try. He just had to distract him, not convince him to live.

 

Baekhyun hailed a cab, and waited for the man to get inside first. Once they were in the seat, Baekhyun told the driver the address.

 

The driver raised an eyebrow. "I'm sure that place isn't functional anymore."

 

Baekhyun smiled. "Oh, I'm not going there. I just have to be some place near it."

 

The driver started driving.

 

The man was looking at Baekhyun. He was confused. "Why are we going to an old amusement park?"

 

Baekhyun smiled wider. He hadn't realized that this man knew it was an old, abandoned park. "As I said, we are just going somewhere near it."

 

And at that, there was just a little bit of interest in the man's eyes. Just a speck of curiosity. It made Baekhyun's heart swell for some strange reason, and he found himself hoping that the place would invoke more emotions in the man's dead eyes. He was also getting tired of thinking of him as a man, and asked, "What's your name?"

 

The man replied, "What's yours?"

 

Baekhyun figured that was fair. He held out his hand formally. "Byun Baekhyun. I'm going to be a billionaire in about a month."

 

The man took his hand. "Good luck then." He didn't offer his name. And when he took away his hand, Baekhyun was filled with a strange longing for it. He tried not to dwell on it for too long.

 

There was nothing but darkness when the cab dropped them off at the location. Baekhyun had been here far too many times that he wasn't scared, but now for the first time that night, the man looked uncomfortable. He was still following Baekhyun wordlessly though his eyes wandered everywhere, looking at the hulking structures that were just broken down park rides. The gigantic Ferris Wheel was slightly leaning towards the left, and the Viking had long ago fallen to the ground. It was covered in vines now. Other rides, the twister and a small roller coaster, suffered the same amount of damage.

 

Baekhyun observed the man as he made his way down the ghostly park. The clouds were covering the moon, making it darker than it should have been. A slight wind made the swing-set creak ominously. The man shuffled closer, almost unconsciously to Baekhyun's side. Baekhyun was trying not to smile too much.

 

"It's better in day," he whispered, making sure not to spook the man further by raising his voice. "But since our meeting had an unfortunate timing, you get to see it in less than glorious state. But it'll be worth it, that I can promise."

 

"I'm still wondering what is so fun about this creepy place."

 

Baekhyun jogged ahead, finally reaching a run down building. "This."

 

The man squinted, reading the broken board. "The House of Magic?"

 

Baekhyun nodded, he couldn't contain his smile anymore. "Nothing more fun than the magic."

 

They entered the building, and Baekhyun used his phone to light up the way. It was a small theater, seats broken down, stuffing leaking out. But Baekhyun had arranged three seats up in the center, they were covered in cloth and were in good condition to sit. He led the man towards those seats.

 

"Wait here," Baekhyun said, trying not to show how excited he was. He loved this part the most. "I'll be back with refreshments."

 

He wasn't sure if he could leave the man alone, but they were miles away from the city and there was nowhere to go in this ruined park. Baekhyun walked out the front, and found the small box he'd stored there a month ago. It was filled with beer, and other soft drinks, juices etcetera. He grabbed some, and walked back inside.

 

As he sat next to the man, he said, "I found this place an year ago. Not just the park, but this building. There are occasional trespassers here, but for most part, I'm sure I'm the only one who comes here."

 

"What for? There's _nothing_ here," the man grumbled, accepting the offered bottle of juice.

 

Baekhyun smiled mysteriously. "There's magic. Watch!"

 

He snapped his fingers. The sound echoed loudly in the abandoned depths. And then a beam of light shone from somewhere in the back, expanding, lighting up the front. It was a screen, and Baekhyun watched as the man realized it too.

 

The man's eyes went wide, round, and full of amazement. "It's... _How?"_

 

"I rigged up the screen. It gets triggered at a loud sound. It's fun to scare the trespassers with it."

 

Now the screen was fully lighted up, and a picture came into focus. Baekhyun had found old film reels in the control room up in the gallery behind them. "It's not much," he warned, "Vintage stuff. But it's worth watching."

 

On the screen, old actors in kabuki masks performed various magic tricks. Some tricks were too childish, but others could be seen clearly. Wires, secret compartments, and body doubles, all were clear on the screen. Even the acting was lousy. But the man didn't comment on it, and he didn't look away even once.

 

After a while, Baekhyun leaned back to enjoy the whole reel. It was half an hour long, but watching it with someone else was a new experience. That's when he heard a soft sniff from the man. He closed his eyes. He was getting tired of watching him cry.

 

The movie ended, and the screen went blank. The theater was again dark. Baekhyun could see just an outline of the man beside him. He had stopped crying, but Baekhyun didn't want to break this silence. It felt heavy with something he couldn't explain. He was sure his heart could be heard clearly, what with all the noise it was causing in his chest.

 

"That was bad," the man whispered at last. "Worst tricks I've ever seen."

 

Baekhyun whispered too. It felt criminal to break the silence that covered them. "There are other, worst movie reels in the room. Do you want to watch them?"

 

"No."

 

Baekhyun stood up, taking out his phone and making it bright. "Then let's go. We have more things to see here."

 

*

 

Next they reached at a target shooting stall. Baekhyun had cleared up this space and also installed a new light bulb. He now turned on the light and took the man to an array of pointy things on a small table. Darts, pins, and paint balls. He was certain that these things were dull enough to not give the man any ideas, but he still watched closely.

 

Baekhyun picked up a dart and gestured at the target board. "Pick one for me, I'll hit it."

 

The target board was nothing more than tough canvas with a picture of a circus in town. Everything from jokers to children and animals to tightrope was painted on it. Everything was a target.

 

At first the man didn't say anything. Then: "The dancing lion."

 

Baekhyun aimed with his dart. He had been here many times and had practiced a lot, so he was confident in his ability. All the same, he couldn't help but show off in front of the man. Swinging his arm back, Baekhyun released the dart. It hit the dancing lion in the leg. Baekhyun turned to the man, smiling triumphantly. He was glad to see at least a little bit of competition brewing in the man's eyes now.

 

Baekhyun took another dart and gave it to the man. "Your turn. And since you're new at this, I'll pick an easy target for you. How about that trampoline in the middle?" The trampoline was wide and big, an easy target to hit.

 

The man aimed. "The monkey on the trampoline." He released the dart, it hit the monkey that was mid-jump on the trampoline square in the head. "And I'm not new at this."

 

Smiling in satisfaction, Baekhyun said, "You've done target practice before?" _This is it. Keep him talking. Make him want to live._

 

The man shrugged. "I used to go hunting with my father."

 

Baekhyun took up another dart and they started shooting the various targets. After the darts on the table vanished, they both picked up the paint guns, and started ruining the canvas for all it was worth. It was therapeutic; Baekhyun saw the man's face relaxing as each paintball struck a target cleanly.

 

After several moments of this, it was clear that the whole painting was splotched with nowhere left to shoot. Baekhyun threw away the gun and said, "Guess we'll go to the next thing."

 

The next thing was the seesaw. Baekhyun sat on one end, his smile getting wider. He had always wanted to try it, but the thing with seesaw was that it required a partner. Now he had a partner, no matter how unwilling. The man sat on the other end, though he didn't look very enthusiastic about it. Baekhyun started pushing with his legs, up and down. The man stared into the dark space beyond. Whatever competitive spirit he'd seen earlier, seemed to have left the man entirely.

 

"The moon's gone." The man's voice was a whisper in the night.

 

Baekhyun looked up at the sky. It wasn't gone, but it was hidden behind the clouds. The night had grown darker around them, but for some strange reason, the presence of the man made it bearable.

 

He couldn't help but turn his eyes on the man, again and again. Each time he looked, it was like a revelation. He found something new in the blank expression of his face, or another emotion in his dark eyes. Each time, the man's face seemed like a dream. Mysterious and unreal. Close yet so far away, Baekhyun might as well be chasing the moon itself.

 

 _This is getting really complicated,_ he realized. Reaching into his pocket, he found that the man's friend had not contacted him still. Baekhyun had left his number. It meant he had to make the man survive for some more time.

 

He stopped the seesaw, and got off. The man followed, like a zombie on unsteady feet. Baekhyun got out of the park and started heading down the road back to the city. It was 1 o' clock in the night, and there wasn't much traffic here even during day. Which meant they had to walk down this hill for about two miles before entering the town and then catching the bus there.

 

The man was a few steps behind him. Since it was cloudy now, there weren't even any stars. It was perfect for Baekhyun's next stop.

 

They walked silently for a few long minutes, and Baekhyun found the place he was looking for. It was a curve in the hillside road, overlooking the darkness of the valley. Far out, the horizon glimmered with the lights of the town. Baekhyun stopped, watching the man closely. It didn't look like he was inspired to jump into the abyss - and that was progress.

 

"What do you hear?" Baekhyun asked.

 

"Crickets," the man replied, stopped just a short distance next to him. Baekhyun suddenly become aware of the man's scent, a mix of sweat and cologne. It wasn't half bad. "Critters and insects."

 

Baekhyun cupped his hands and put them in front of his mouth. With a loud, pitched voice, he cooed, _"Who, hoo, hoo, hoo...."_ The valley echoed with his call.

 

Smiling, Baekhyun asked again, "What do you hear now?"

 

The man turned his wide, slightly startled eyes on him. The whole valley had become silent. At Baekhyun's call, every little critter had stopped chattering. The man's face was oddly flushed. Something about that expression, that disbelief and astonishment, made Baekhyun's skin prickle with a strange electricity.

 

But that wasn't why Baekhyun had stopped here. He looked at the ground, and found a large stone. Picking it up, he showed it to the man. "Watch, right in the darkness of the valley." And he threw the stone. It crashed into the underbrush, and fell into the depths unseen.

 

And with it, a large swarm of fireflies lit up the valley, hanging there, buzzing about like tiny stars and comets. It was a sight to behold, and the man automatically stepped closer to the edge. _His face ..._ Baekhyun stopped breathing.

 

The man was _smiling._ It wasn't the smile that was on the screensaver of his phone. It was just a lift of his lips. Just a simple show of something like joy. But that slight amount of joy was blinding Baekhyun. _That smile..._

 

The man watched the fireflies as the swarm settled down, dispersed and then vanished completely. And Baekhyun watched the man that whole time. He couldn't take his eyes off that ghost of a smile. He still couldn't seem to catch his breath.

 

Once the valley was plunged into darkness again, and the critters had started making noise, the man turned to look at him. Baekhyun blinked, and tried to act like he hadn't been staring. But he was again caught up as he saw something like curiosity there.

 

 _"Why?"_ The man finally asked. He should've asked this question a long time ago. "Why are you doing this for me? And why do you even come here in such a place. There's nothing... no one here."

 

At that Baekhyun looked away. "I come here whenever I feel like killing myself."

 

The air shifted as the wind picked up. It was getting even more cloudy, almost like it would rain.

 

"I told you, didn't I? I have been through some shit too. I also get the urge to kill myself. I haven't had that urge for a long time now, partly because I forced myself to find purpose, and mostly because my friends keep me happy and living seems like a good idea. But there are times when I -" Baekhyun shook his head, suddenly smiling. "I just thought since you were trying to kill yourself too, I should take you here. The loneliness, the magic, the fireflies, heck even the darts help me forget. They clear my mind."

 

The man was still looking at him. Looking at him like he was _looking_ for the first time clearly this night. Baekhyun felt exposed under that gaze, suddenly conscious of the small pimple that he had on his cheek this morning. For the first time this night, Baekhyun felt like the man truly noticed him now. _Saw_ him.

 

"Well," Baekhyun sighed, trying to avoid that weird sensation in his gut. "Do you want to throw another stone? Or should we get going?"

 

"Where are you taking me next?"

 

 _Was that anticipation in his voice?_ Baekhyun shrugged. "It wouldn't be fun if I told you."

 

*

 

The last bus was at 2 o'clock, and they barely caught it in time. Baekhyun sat in the end, and the man sat next to him. Baekhyun looked out the window. But he couldn't ignore as their shoulders touched whenever the bus drove over some cracked or uneven surface. He couldn't get the scent of the man off him, it lingered around, in every single breath he took. He couldn't ignore his wildly beating heart at the memory of that look the man had turned on him. He could still feel those eyes, sometimes looking his way.

 

They returned to Seoul and then hailed another cab. Baekhyun checked his wallet, and was glad when he saw some bills there. He could still save the night somehow.

 

When they reached the destination of Baekhyun's next big obsession, the man literally arched his eyebrow. Baekhyun loved that expression on him. It was so honest and venomous. So uncensored.

 

"You're joking right?" the man spat out.

 

Baekhyun laughed. "Not _yet."_

 

It was a coffee shop that occasionally held stand up comedy shows. Much like karaoke, anyone who had enough sense of humor, or even a good joke to share, was welcomed on the stage, while the patrons drank coffee and ate cake or pastries and tried not to choke on their laughter.

 

Baekhyun knew making a sad, suicidal man laugh was going to be a tall order, but he had to try. That ghost of a smile, he still remembered it and wanted to see more. He wanted to know if the man could laugh as hard as he'd been laughing in that picture.

 

They got inside, and it didn't look like it was so late in the night. Several older people, a few late night office workers, and a couple of biker dudes were already in stitches at the joke the girl on the stage had shared. As they entered and took a seat, the girl pointed at them and shouted in the mike, "And here comes Do Min Joon and Cheon Song Yi."

 

Baekhyun blinked, posed dramatically, and within seconds, the entire place was laughing again. It was kind of appropriate, the man looked gloomy and dark while Baekhyun had a strange and childish charm about his face. They suited the reference completely.

 

The girl on the stage bowed to the warm applause, and another woman took her place.

 

Baekhyun asked, "How do you take your coffee?" _Ask his name. Ask him now._ But something held him back.

 

"Dark, one sugar."

 

Baekhyun got up and went to the counter to order. He chuckled at the joke the woman made, something about birds and bees getting offended by human references. When he came back with their coffees, it was obvious that the man didn't appreciate the vulgar tone of the jokes. He also didn't seem too fond of the laughing patrons. Baekhyun could understand. The kind of hell he was fighting, it wasn't surprising that the man hated each laughing face in the shop.

 

Baekhyun had only taken his seat and drank a few sips when the woman finished. He hopped up, and ran to the stage. The manager gave him an introduction, and he was received with enthusiastic applause. Baekhyun had come here often enough that many patrons already admired him.

 

"It's a tough night folks," Baekhyun said in the mike. "But I'm going against every instinct tonight and trying out something new. I hope my jokes are worth it though. I'm not exactly sure what my companion over there actually likes."

 

People turned to look at the man again who looked uncomfortable. Baekhyun took a deep breath and started talking.

 

"This is the story of my best friend's first love. He's very gay, and actually a manwhore. In the last five years that I've known him, he's dated at least more than twenty people, all of them, he claimed to have loved deeply. First loves are always important, but this one was the most memorable for me."

 

Baekhyun had everyone's attention. He felt slightly guilty about using Chanyeol's first crush, but the story was kind of hilarious so he didn't feel that bad. Besides, the man was watching him intently, hanging on to his every word. _If I can just make him smile, it'll be worth it._

 

"Those days we used to live in a hostel, and each floor had a superior who used to carry out punishments if we broke rules - think P.E. coach, but for the dorm life only. Our dorm superior was a fat old man, very Christian and very strict when rules were broken. Out of at least a hundred rules, one rule was the most hardest for us to follow. And that rule was, _No sex or masturbation in the dorms._ The superior actually had warning signs all over the place saying things like, _Masturbation is sin_ yada yada. We hated him.

 

"Anyways, one day my friend and I were working in his room and he suddenly told me that he was in love. He said he actually invited the guy to come to his room, but he needed my help to make sure the superior wouldn't catch them."

 

Now Baekhyun saw the man leaning forward on the coffee table, his expression was one of great interest. Everyone else was the same, but Baekhyun had eyes only for the man. He told the story to _him_ , making sure to keep his gaze towards that direction.

 

"I assured him that if they stayed _quiet,_ nothing would happen. So the guy came over, he was cute and my friend was being so clingy and adorable with him. After a while, I yawned and excused myself. I get out of there fast, giving my friend a thumbs up. My room was right next to him, and it didn't take them long to started fucking each other. I could hear them moaning, and the guy actually had a very loud voice. It felt like they were in my room, and I was certain the superior had woken up to their loud fucking too."

 

Baekhyun blinked, he was getting excited. But he could've sworn he saw the man smile slightly, obviously amused by the way things were turning out. There were a few chuckles in the audience.

 

"I opened my door a crack, and sure enough, the superior was heading out of his room in his PJs, his stick in his hand. I didn't want to get my friend in trouble, not when he was losing his virginity. So I thought fast, and opened my door wider. I hooked up my laptop to the speakers, got on the porn site, and clicked the first gay video I could find. I turned the volume high. Very high."

 

The audience was laughing. And there was something in the man's eyes... something like laughter. Baekhyun wasn't sure, so he forced himself to continue.

 

"My tactics worked, and the superior charged into my room. I was there in bed with my pants down and a very steamy gay sex video on. The loud voice had already warned my friend so he was saved. But the superior cursed me and started beating me with the stick. I couldn't sit on my ass for a week."

 

Baekhyun froze suddenly. Amidst the scattered claps and chuckles, he'd heard a clear, loud laugh. It was the man. And his shoulders were shaking. _His lips... they really make a heart._ Baekhyun couldn't breathe, and he couldn't look away. For one minute, he actually wanted to just walk towards the man, grab him and...

 

He suddenly became aware of everyone else, still watching him. He coughed, and continued. "And that's the story of my friend's first time, and of how I realized that I might be bisexual."

 

Everyone rewarded him claps and cheers. Baekhyun smiled and waved as he got off the stage. He walked towards the man. As he drew closer, there was no mistaking it. He had been laughing. There were traces of that laughter in his smiling eyes still. Baekhyun sat down, and tried not to stare.

 

"I'm sorry," he heard himself say. "I don't want you to think that I had any motives for saving you because I'm bi."

 

The man shook his head. "Dude, I honestly couldn't care less even if you were a dinosaur."

 

Baekhyun relaxed and smiled slowly. "I guess out of all our stops tonight, you seem to like this one best."

 

"It's okay. And I feel sorry for your predicament." The man had already finished his coffee, he stared into his empty mug. Then quietly, he whispered, "And I liked the fireflies the best."

 

Baekhyun swallowed. There it was again. That urge to erase this distance between them and... and _do_ something. He didn't know why. It was probably because the man was getting more and more breathtaking as minutes flew by, or because as the night passed, their differences were disappearing. He knew it was something else. Though, he was too scared to admit it.

 

When he didn't answer, the man did that thing again, with his lowered gaze lifting up under his lashes. Baekhyun actually felt his heart sped up. This time they both didn't look away and maintained the eye contact. Baekhyun wondered what the man saw in him. _What is my face doing right now? Can he see my pimple? Does he think I'm handsome?_ And he tried to read the emotions in the man's eyes too. He could see a flickering interest there, curiosity and warmth. He couldn't tell what it meant.

 

 _If he keeps looking at me I might..._ Baekhyun looked away first. he made a sudden garb for his cup. The man's fingers were just there, and he accidentally touched them. He accidentally lingered, feeling the way their skins grew hot at the contact. Grabbing his mug, he said, "I should get this reheated," and escaped. He felt the man's gaze follow him and shivered unintentionally.

 

*

 

They stayed in the coffee shop for two more performances, and during that time Baekhyun noticed that the man was getting sleepy. Given his own confused feelings, he realized that they finally had to call an end to the night. Also, it was nearly 3:00pm already. He didn't know if he'd dissuaded the man from killing himself. And the man's friend hadn't contacted him either. He wanted to make sure that the man was safe, but he didn't know how to bring it up.

 

Luckily, the man spoke first, "I don't know what you plan to do next, but I can see that the both of us are tired."

 

Baekhyun sat up in his seat. "I want to know if you'll try to kill yourself again."

 

"No, I won't," the man replied, too quickly.

 

Baekhyun sighed. "Your friend hasn't contacted me yet. So I honestly don't know what to do. I need to make sure..."

 

"I'll give you my word. I won't do anything tonight. Or tomorrow. And somehow if I do decide to kill myself, I'll make sure to do it far away, where you won't feel responsible."

 

Baekhyun had to stop himself from screaming. The anger inside him was sudden and dark. "That doesn't matter! Of course I'll feel responsible..." He trailed off.

 

The man looked slightly startled at his harsh tone.

 

"Where are you living?" Baekhyun said finally. "I'll take you home. I'll make sure you have someone there to keep tabs on you, like a guard or a neighbor." He didn't say that he'd probably stay outside his place for the night, watching for any signs of disaster. He didn't know why he was taking it this far. But he was right about one thing. This man, he was his responsibility now. He'd made himself responsible for him and there was no turning back.

 

The man gave him a look. "I gave up my place before I decided to..."

 

 _To kill himself._ Which meant he had literally nowhere to go. Baekhyun sighed and got up. "Looks like you're following me again."

 

They walked again. Baekhyun's apartment block was nearby, and so was the building where the man had decided to end it all. They remained silent, though Baekhyun could feel the weight of his decision. It was one thing to keep watch on the man's house, and entirely another to actually stay under one roof, in a single bedroom. He tried to get that image out of his head, the man in his bed... but it wouldn't go away.

 

_He's grieving and suicidal. I can't think of him like that!_

 

They stopped outside Baekhyun's apartment door.

 

"It's going to be cramped." Baekhyun said as he opened the lock. "But I guess I'll accommodate you to the best of my ability."

 

He invited the man inside and watched as he looked around. Baekhyun wasn't a prude but he had a bit of pride in his place. After all, he's gotten everything here through his hard work and devotion. Watching the man admire the fruits of his work was an exciting experience.

 

The small living space led to a joint kitchen and a balcony. To the far side was Baekhyun's bedroom with en-suit bath. The man stopped in the living room awkwardly.

 

"Take a seat," Baekhyun said, hurrying around and fixing things that seemed out of place. He also moved dangerous objects like glass vases, pens, knives to hidden places. Basically trying to make his apartment suicide-proof somehow. "I'll get you a change of clothes and ..."

 

He took a deep breath as he got into his room. _Byun Baekhyun, what are you doing exactly?_ He honestly had no answer. His carefully planned life was at a standstill because he wanted to help someone, and for the life of him, he couldn't stop. His internship would start in the morning, which was basically a few hours away, and yet he'd spent hours taking the man around the city.

 

He hid the dangerous things from the bedroom and then the bathroom too. He found some clothes from his cupboard, and then came outside. The man hadn't moved from the sofa. Baekhyun handed him the clothes. "You can change in the room."

 

The man looked a little uneasy as he said, "If it's not too much trouble, can I also take a shower. I just realized that I stink."

 

Baekhyun wanted to say that _No you actually smell nice,_ but then the words registered on his mind. The man wanted to shower. In _his_ bathroom. Without any clothes on. The image that rose up in his mind was provocative, sexy and dangerous. He was sure his face had gone red.

 

"Yes," he managed. "The hot water is on the right side."

 

Once the man disappeared into his bedroom, Baekhyun sank on the couch, thumping his chest. Somehow between trying to save the man and getting him clothes he'd forgotten about how extremely handsome he was. And _sexy._ And _breathtaking._ Oh, so maybe he hadn't forgotten about it, and it's been teasing him throughout the night. But that still didn't change the fact that his mind was going crazy. He was feeling things he shouldn't be feeling for someone who was going through a tough time. Someone who was in a fragile state. _It's like I'm taking advantage of him._ And that felt so bad.

 

He went to the kitchen and drank some water. And then he grabbed some ice cream from the freezer. He laid out two bowls on the living room table and waited.

 

Once the man came out of the shower, Baekhyun had a hard time restraining himself. It wasn't his fault the man looked so delicious with his damp, rumpled hair, wearing Baekhyun's clothes that seemed a bit big on him. Suddenly the room felt hot, and Baekhyun popped ice-cream in his mouth in a hurry.

 

The man ran a hand through his hair, self-conscious. But he joined Baekhyun on the sofa on his own. "Which flavor is it?"

 

It took Baekhyun a second to understand that he was asking about the ice-cream, not the shampoo or the soap that had touched his body and hair. _I need to get away from him._ Baekhyun shuffled away a little, trying to look casual. "It's vanilla. I hope you like it."

 

The man picked up his own bowl. "I prefer chocolate, though, this is fine too."

 

It was too awkward sitting there, eating ice-cream without even talking. Baekhyun picked up the remote and turned on the T.V, peering over at the man to see if it bothered him. He didn't look annoyed so Baekhyun browsed through the channels, finding something nice to look at.

 

He found a movie that looked interesting. Two minutes in, the hero and heroin were sucking face, loud and dirty. It was too close to what Baekhyun almost _wanted_ to do to the man, so he hurried to skip the channel. Another scene of same caliber greeted them. Baekhyun tried the cartoon channel, thinking that would be safe enough. And of course, it was 'Frozen' and Anna and Hans were going on about how love was an open door.

 

"I just realized something," the man said suddenly, breaking the awkwardness.

 

Baekhyun lowered the volume and turned towards him. His heart was almost in his throat. _Realized what ... that you want to live?_

"You've done so much for me and I never said _Thanks._ Not even once."

 

"You don't have to-"

 

"I do, actually," the man said firmly. He put down his half eaten ice-cream. "You've been kind, you've taken me to places I'm pretty sure not even your friends know about, and you've invited me into your house and given me shelter. You cared when I have no one left to care for me... and that's... I'm extremely thankful to all you've done. I'm thankful to you, Mr. Baekhyun."

 

Baekhyun wasn't sure what face he was making now but he felt like crying, and hugging this man. The loneliness and disbelief he'd heard in the man's voice, like he didn't deserve any of it - _Tell me to do something else. Tell me how I can make you happy. Tell me to hold you, take care of you, love you..._

The emotions clogging his throat were too much. "You don't have to thank me for anything. You don't have to feel indebted or burdened. I'd do it all over again if I can save you." _I want to do it again. I wish the time would stop. I wish I never have to see you leave. I wish..._

The man hadn't blinked once as Baekhyun said these words. But his eyes close now, and a strange, sad smile lit up his face. Baekhyun wanted to reach out and touch the shape of that smile.

 

"Save me," the man whispered. Baekhyun's heart clenched at that pleading tone. "I'm being too much, I know, but can I ask you to save me again? Just once?"

 

Baekhyun put down his own bowl and sat straight. "Of course, anything." _Anything._ He would stop breathing himself if that will save this man.

 

The man opened his eyes. There was a look there, Baekhyun almost mistook it for desire...

 

"Make me forget it," the man said.

 

Baekhyun blinked. _That's just my minds playing tricks... there's no way he's asking what I think he's asking..._ "Forget... what?"

 

"All of it... everything..."

 

Baekhyun unconsciously scooted closer. He was daring too much, daring to hope. "How... do I do that?"

 

Now, there was definitely desire on the man's face. Desire and desperation. Baekhyun knew he was mistaken.

 

"Do you want me to spell it out for you?" The man whispered, also scooting closer that they could smell each other. "Please... I don't know what else I can do..."

 

Baekhyun reached out with his hand, trembling. He knew he was still taking it the wrong way. Any moment now this man will push him. But when his fingers finally touched the man face, tracing the softness of the cheek, the man closed his eyes again and leaned into the touch. Turning his head, the man kissed the inside of Baekhyun's palm.

 

Now there was no confusion. It was obvious that the man wanted what Baekhyun wanted. Baekhyun had never moved as fast or as unsteadily as he did then, erasing the little distance between them to hold the man's face in both of his hands. He looked into the man's eyes, for any signs of discomfort. He only found a desperate yearning there. The pain of his loss was still fresh in his eyes, but Baekhyun also saw the struggle against it.

 

Baekhyun wanted to erase that pain. He knew that was immature of him, there's no way pain like that can disappear. But maybe, he could _just..._

 

He surged forward, scared that the whole night might be a dream after all. He didn't want it to be... The first touch of their lips was like a revelation. His entire body was trembling, trying to contain a nameless emotion.

 

And then a soft, probing tongue was trying to taste his lips. Baekhyun was the one who forgot everything within seconds. He opened himself to the man's curious tongue, and the taste of him... something like coffee and ice-ream and more...

 

He knew he was making a desperate sound in the back of his throat, a stress signal because he couldn't find his lungs or his head. But there was a moment when another sound intruded upon his mind, a delicious sound that made him melt. It was no longer a mystery that they both have been wanting _this..._ That the man was loving the clumsy touches of Baekhyun's hands on his body, his awkward tongue and lips.

 

The man was first to emerge, breaking their lips apart to gasp in the much needed oxygen. Baekhyun blinked and realized that they were no longer sitting on the opposite side of each other as in the beginning. He was flat on his back on the sofa, and he had the man on top of him. His hands were holding the man's butt, firmly keeping him on top, making him grind down on the obvious erections they both sported. It was a moment of clarity. He could see the man hovering over him, his lips red and swollen and still begging to be kissed. Baekhyun could get lost in those dazed, brown eyes. He didn't know what he'd do if those eyes had really closed off forever... _If I hadn't saved him... hadn't found him..._

 

The man had had enough, because he was moving on him now, hips fighting against Baekhyun's hold, face coming closer to taste again.

 

Baekhyun gasped, "Stop, wait! I need... to know... that you aren't asking me this because... this is your way of saying... thank you..."

 

The man was so close now. Baekhyun could taste his breaths on his tongue. "I'm asking this because it's all I've been thinking about since you touched me in the cafe..."

 

Baekhyun could have sworn his eyes were going to pop out. This man, this amazing... perfect man, _wanted_ him!

 

"Good," he said, grabbed the back of man's head and pulled him down. Now that he knew this was happening, that it wasn't a dream, that the man wanted it too... He didn't have to hold back the desire that was waiting to burn him inside out.

 

The man made another sound that went straight to Baekhyun's bones, and suddenly the air was igniting. They were burning together, and he wanted more. Their mouths plundered each other as if they were searching for an elusive treasure, their hands roaming, finding skin as their clothes got pushed away.

 

Baekhyun couldn't help but keep his eyes open, even though with every touch of the man's searching hands and that powerful tongue in his mouth, his eyes kept falling shut. He needed to see this man, needed to know every single expression on his face. Baekhyun had only seen pain and suffering, apart from a few smiles, from the man the whole night. But now the man's face was expressive, and so lost in their mutual pleasure and desperation that Baekhyun wouldn't miss it for the world.

 

He pushed back, sitting up, forcing their mouths to part again. But the distance between them remained little as Baekhyun gasped into the man's neck, "Bedroom... we need to get off the sofa..."

 

The man nodded. His voice breathless, lovely, "Lead the way..."

 

Baekhyun grabbed the man's hands, brought them to his lips and kissed the inside of the palms. He lead them to the room and as gently as he could, he pushed the man in the lying position in the bed.

 

"I can't promise anything," said Baekhyun, eyes caressing the man's face and body hungrily, "but I'll try my best to help you forget..." _Tell me your name... so that I know who to scream for when we... Shit!_ He was getting ahead of himself again. Yet, he couldn't ask him.

 

Instead, he focused on getting the man out of the t-shirt and trousers. He tried not to be impatient, and mumbled, "Put your arms up," as he softly pulled the shirt off.

 

He wasn't disappointed. He hadn't expected anything like this tonight... but it was a shock to see the man shirtless anyway. It seemed impossible that he had such a perfect man, a stranger, in his bed now. But it wasn't as impossible as the fact that Baekhyun couldn't find a single thing wrong with the man. Just as he knew... He was _too_ perfect. _Please, don't be a dream. Please, don't be a dream._ Considering that he had been drinking with his friends minutes before he found this man, it was a high possibility that all of the things happening right now weren't real.

 

Baekhyun couldn't stomach that thought. Something must have shown on his face, his expression, for the man reached up to touch his hair. Baekhyun leaned into that hand, eyes mapping out every detail of the man's torso. He loved every single thing he saw.

 

"Can I...?" _Touch you. Kiss you. Worship you._ But Baekhyun's horse voice couldn't get out.

 

The man looked into his eyes, and then his lips softly broke into a smile. It was more beautiful than the sun breaching through the horizon and splashing it's glow everywhere. "Baekhyun-ssi, you can do whatever you like... I'm in your care tonight..."

 

 _Whatever..._ Baekhyun could hardly contain himself. What he wanted to do, and what the man wanted done were two different things. The man wanted distraction from his pain and sorrow, Baekhyun wanted to swallow the man up, whole - so that he could never leave him. But for now, he humored the man, running his hands down the expanse of his chest, finally putting his lips on that skin.

 

He tasted the man's neck, leaving hickey after hickey as the heat between them rose. The soft moans coming from the man's lips told Baekhyun that he was doing it right, and that he should do more because the man still wasn't loud enough. His lips found the soft, pink nipples and he licked each one with careful attention. Watching the nipples become hard, and darker as he teased them with his teeth filled him with some kind of satisfaction. Hearing the man become louder was also a boost to his motivation.

 

Suddenly he wanted to taste him more, his hands traveled down, finding their way down the rim of the trousers. When his hand found the throbbing erection, he couldn't help but moan himself as the man arched into his touch. His other hand hurriedly pulled the trouser lower, exposing the hidden flesh to his hungry eyes.

 

"Fuck," Baekhyun whispered. "You're so big." _And thick and hard._ His hand desperately ran up and down the straining piece of meat, and he savored every single gasp that left the man's mouth.

 

But touching him was nothing compared to the feeling those veins on his tongue. So Baekhyun slid lower, and peeled the foreskin down to lick the weeping head. The man's taste exploded on his tongue and Baekhyun wasn't disappointed. His mouth worked over the head, hand still grabbing the base of the cock. With his free hand, he reached up and played with the man's nipples.

 

As he started taking the man into his mouth with slow, languid sucks, the man wound his legs around Baekhyun's shoulder and neck, like he wanted to trap Baekhyun there. Baekhyun chuckled around the thick cock, and the vibrations drove the man to moan loudly again, and grabbing Baekhyun's hair in a tight fist.

 

He knew that he had teased enough. He knew the taste of him now, and now he wanted to strike the gold. So he swallowed up the man's cock down to the base, and felt the cock twitched down in his throat.

 

"Shit," the man growled, his hand yanking Baekhyun's hair hard. "Oh, shit, don't... I'm gonna..."

 

Baekhyun loved that expression on the man's face. The expression of total bliss. Baekhyun started bobbing his head, more, faster, each time taking the man down into his throat. He wanted to see what the man's expression would be like once the ecstasy hit him.

 

 _"Aaannnnghhh...."_ the man yelled as he came, his mouth going slack, eyes rolling back into his skull as sweat broke out over his body. Baekhyun didn't even blink, watching, swallowing every single drop.

 

The man went limp, but he had some strength in his hand as he tugged Baekhyun's hair. He understood the signal and crawled back up to seize the man's slack mouth in a kiss. Their tongues slid together softly, and Baekhyun knew the man could taste himself. He was suddenly struck by the way their bodies were so at ease together, so compatible. He was hard still, almost at the breaking point after the way he'd seen this man shatter under his touch. But at the same time, this slow, lovely making out was keeping him dizzy.

 

But the man regained his own, and the kisses became a hot mess again. Baekhyun felt the man trying to rip off his clothes.

 

"Take these off," the man demanded into his mouth. "Let me see you."

 

Baekhyun could hardly stop kissing him as he tried to get his shirt and under shirt off. But he had to get away in order to take off his pant. With a bit of regret, yet promise of more, he sat up between the man's splayed legs and opened his zipper, grabbed his pants and underwear in one go and pulled them down.

 

He knew he wasn't as aesthetically pleasing as the man, who had a fine torse, abs, thick and strong thighs and an erection that put Baekhyun's to shame. But he froze as he saw the man's eyes travel all over him. There was an expression on his face now, which impossibly, told Baekhyun that the man _liked_ what he saw. It was absurd. Baekhyun was slim, his torso was slender and sometimes his ribs showed. His legs were thin and there was barely any hair on him to attest his masculinity. And his weeping erection was average, not thick or musky, but pink and slim like the rest of him. If he was with a woman, he wouldn't have felt like this because of the vast difference in anatomy. But with this man, he suddenly wanted to hide himself.

 

And yet, the light in the man's eyes, the way the man's hand reached out to feel Baekhyun's nipples, the curve of his hips... Baekhyun found himself wanting to say, _You can't possibly like this! Compared to you, I'm hideous._ But his voice left him when the man grabbed his erection in a firm fist and started jerking him off with fast, purposeful movements.

 

Baekhyun went limp, falling on top of the man, his head going white. He panted into the man's neck, trying to hold his climax at bay. He wanted to feel this more, the hand on his cock, the way the man's powerful body shifted underneath him... but he couldn't hold back because of these very reasons.

 

He came and came, as the man milked him for all he was worth. He knew he was screaming through it all, but he couldn't care. How could _any_ of this be real? How was he here, with this perfect man who impossibly wanted him just as badly? He still couldn't believe it. The emotions in his heart, the one he couldn't name even now, threatened to overcome him, and he almost gave in to say something... bad. _I want you. I want this. Please, stay with me. Stay here. I'll save you every day. Every moment. Just stay._

 

He didn't know if he'd said it all, as he became aware of himself. The man was holding him. He was curled on top of the man. Everything felt peaceful, far off. But he was aware of the way the man's hands roamed all over him still. Like it still wasn't enough.

 

He was also aware of the soft sobs that left the man's mouth.

 

Baekhyun shifted to look the man into his eyes. The tears there, they squeezed Baekhyun's heart. He didn't want to see those painful tears ever again... but he also knew that healing took time.

 

Once the man realized Baekhyun was watching him, he hurriedly wiped his tears and tried to smile. Baekhyun had never seen such a disastrous effort.

 

"I'm fine," the man whispered, desperate. "Lets continue where we left off... Hey, do you have condoms..."

 

Baekhyun blinked. He had to say what he should've said a long time ago. "No, I don't have condoms... listen..."

 

The man wasn't listening. He wasn't thinking. "No problem... just... let's do it raw then... I don't mind..."

 

Baekhyun shook his head. "It's late. You should catch some sleep now. Your friend probably didn't contact because it was late at night, but he would get my message soon and you need to be rested before that."

 

The man frowned. "I'm not tired. I swear... let's just... Please, I need this. I need you to fuck me..."

 

Baekhyun didn't know why the desperate words still had the power to appeal him. He was tempted... Why wouldn't he? A perfect, broken man lying naked next to him. He was just begging to be fucked, to be destroyed. But that feeling, the one Baekhyun was starting to recognize, wouldn't let him take advantage anymore. _Not like this. I don't want it like this..._

 

"I'm tired. And I'm not fucking you tonight." It wasn't night. Baekhyun could see the first light of the day creeping outside. He knew it was early morning, they'd been touching each other for more than two hours now.

 

The man frowned. And then his face morphed into anger. "You said... you promised that you'd make me forget..."

 

"You can't forget it," Baekhyun snapped. He knew he was being harsh, but sometimes lessons had to be harsh for them to sink in. "You'll never forget it. No matter how many times I- Don't you get it? There's no way to forget. Believe me, I've tried for years. The pain never goes away. It's always there. Yeah, after some years, it fades, but there are times it comes back so vividly that you..."

 

The man was crying now. His eyes were overflowing and shoulders shaking. Baekhyun slid closer and grabbed the man in a hug, wrapping him into himself completely, dragging the sheets over them. He let the man cry, let him get out as much of the sorrow as he could. His own eyes were leaking silent tears. He joined the man in his loss, and allowed to feel the pain he himself had kept buried for years now.

 

They remained there for the longest time, and as the sobbing subsided, Baekhyun whispered into the man's hair, "It's okay, I'm here. I'll be here for you. I'll keep you safe. And I won't break this promise. I swear." _Just... don't disappear when I wake up._ He knew he was hoping too much. But he couldn't help himself. The feeling in his chest... it was making him lose his sense of reason.

 

With that foolish hope in his chest, he closed his eyes, and went to sleep with his head buried in the man's hair.

 

*

 

Baekhyun knew he was alone even before he was fully awake. He was cold, his arms were empty. The man's scent was no longer in every breath he took. He didn't allow himself to wallow, even as he felt the wave of loss and pain rising all around him, creeping up the walls of his room.

 

He opened his eyes and sat up. The first thing he saw were the clothes he'd lent the man last night. They were placed on the boudoir, folded neatly. Beside the clothes were Baekhyun's own clothes, also folded. The man's expensive suit was nowhere to be seen.

 

The wave was rising still, Baekhyun ignored it, and forced himself to get up and walk towards his clothes. He had only just gotten up his underwear when it became hard to breathe. He heavily sat down on the bed, thumping his chest with a fist. It was crazy that he could feel this gaping hole inside his soul. It shouldn't be possible for a man to make that much of a dent in just one night.

 

But it was there, the emptiness. The missing something.

 

He could feel the wave now, almost reaching up the ceiling. Waiting to crash into him.

 

Something ruffled as he tried to get under cover again. He pulled away the sheets and found a folded piece of paper. He picked it up. The writing was unfamiliar, but his heart was beating hard already, with every word he read.

 

 

> _Baekhyun-ssi,_
> 
> _You were right, about everything. The pain wouldn't leave. No matter what. And that trying to kill myself also isn't an option. I've had a lot of time to think while you slept, and I've decided that meeting you was because of fate. You've given me a chance to think things through, and I've realized that no matter how I die, my daughter wouldn't be happy if she saw me attempting something so bad._
> 
> _What I'm trying to say is that I'll force myself to live through this pain. I'll try to make something for my life, so that when I finally die, I would be able to show my face to my daughter without any shame._
> 
> _I'm also doing this for you. You're brave to have lived through everything, and I want to do the same. I won't try to kill myself again, so don't worry about me._
> 
> _My friend called me, and he would pick me up in a while. I don't want to write things like goodbye... I'm not sure if I want to say that yet._
> 
> _But I want to say thank you, for saving me, for caring enough. I will make a promise too. When we meet again, if we meet again, I promise I'll be a better man. I'll be someone who could hold his head high, who could stand in front of you as an equal._
> 
> _My name is Do Kyungsoo, and I'm forever grateful that it was you I bumped into last night._

As promised, there wasn't any goodbye. Baekhyun watched the words, trying to find something. _Do Kyungsoo, Do Kyungsoo,_ he read the name over and over. He was relieved that the man wouldn't try hurting himself but... that _emptiness..._ it wouldn't go away.

 

The wave crashed over him, engulfed him. This time he did nothing to stop the tears or the screams.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This work will have a sequel.


End file.
